ITS BEEN ROUGH

how do you love someone when you love someone else? i love him so much and he hurt me sooo incredibly much. im with the one im with cause there is noone that will take care of me... i love him and i dont know what to do anymore...my heart hurts so bad, i havent slept in months, not a good sleep anyways....i really thought he was being honest with me that time and to come home and learn it was a week of deception....did he feel the same things i did? did he feel the chemistry when we kissed? why did he lie to me then? i was ready to throw everything i know away to be with him, maybe it was too late already but then why lie to me? i healed somehow with the emily thing a little, that was huge, did he know that? did he care?? was i just a fuck? was it nothing but how much money he could get outta me? why did i believe him?????  why cant i stop thinking about him now then?!

ITS BEEN SO LONG

since i actually sat down and blogged....lets see what i need to catch you up on...my brother darick "woke" up from his coma almost over a month ago now...he literally was discharged from the hospital 2 weeks after waking up, and the next day was at school (college) and back to work like nothing happened! wow amazing to him....im still moving along in school....cannot believe the progress i have made....i have this mod (the cardio - also the HARDEST mod according to my teacher) and one more mod (medical front office - which i know i will rock) and then i have two months of externship! i cannot believe i havent quit...its been a long road, it really has...there has been lotts of tears but also a lot of smiles cause i have AWESOME classmates and a great teacher that isnt going to let me fail myself...she pushes me, sometimes harder then i think she should, but always i seem to be able to rise to the bar shes placing me on....im loved...seriously...i have great friends who i totally miss on the weekends when they are having their lives with their families and i cannot wait to see them on monday and know how their weekend went....i also made peace with someone i thought would be a mortal enemy - through a great friend ...my friend became her friend and then told her some of the things i was going through and didnt mean to fight with this girl and wow, we are now friends....i hope she knows how much that means to me that we arent fighting anymore...its like high school sometimes with the drama....but i never really had too many friends in high school that knew the real me, and in college, i have a lot of them that i have let see that side of me that i usually keep hidden, for fear they would reject me, but they have all accepted me...and that can only be attributed to a higher power....so thats all that....ive been sick again lately...mentally and physically but im taking it one day at a time and hopefully it will pass without being too serious....i have school to keep me focused and thats great....i have unfortunately lost all ties with my "mom" and my other two kids, and that breaks my heart to no end, but its for the best right now...its a toxic relationship and it was harming me and my family here....things with anthony and mackenzie are at a rough spot, but as usual we are trying to work through it....well thats about all i can type up today, my wrists are hurting, lol....so say hi and have a good weekend!

~Tina

IDK (I DONT KNOW) WHAT TO SAY

she could sooo fit in with the POW. com website and that show "Ice Road Truckers".!!!