Long time....

well its been a while since i entered anything here so since i had a free moment i thought id enter some thing...spent majority of the weekend being sick, cleaning, moving, and fighting although not in that particular order. kids came over saturday, and basically to make a long story short, son got angry at me and started punching me, i grabbed his arms and told him he cant punch people, my "mother" came over , hugged son and then told me right in front of son and daughter1 that i never loved son in the first place! what the f#$@??!! i dont get it...although now i am more then ever determined to only acknowledge one child and thats the one i have here now...when they are older then son and daughter1 will know the truth and hopefully they will forgive me for leaving their lives now but will understand it was the best thing for everyone at this time...great aunt is in nursing home successfully...although she seems worse off then we originally thought as she has not much idea who we are...i got a desk that they were going to throw out so thats cool and i got a bed and a dresser. so spent most of today setting up the bed and organizing all of babys clothes into the dresser. can you believe that the babys clothes take up two dressers, two 3 drawer rubbermaid carts AND there is still more that isnt put out right now cause its all winter clothing???!! will need to go through those winter things as baby has grown three inches since winter and i am already seeing pajamas and things that dont fit her now...got into some trouble last nite but am ok and baby is ok so now big deal...please dont ask about it cause i dont quite want to talk about it....only know that we are both ok... have a huge mess and have barely put a dent in it today so far after about two hours cleaning non-stop...haha...oh well gotta get back to the grindstone as they say...later all