Court was today

OMG......i dont even think there are words enough to express all the rage and hurt that i feel right this minute...i have NEVER felt soo betrayed by any one person in my life and to think the person that betrayed me was my own "mother". thats in quotations now cause as far as im concerned that lady is nooooo mother to me, no way if she can hurt me and say the things that she has said about and to me..... first off we got to court and everything was fine...she went to talk to a lady that i correctly assumed was her lawyer..well now im wondering where my lawyer is...we went into court and the judge asks appearances dadadah and then he asks me what more i think i want from visitations so i said well for one thing i would like to be able to see my kids without supervision i dont think that that is right..and i would like to not have to tell her what we are doing and where we are going every visit...so the judge says to the bailiff guy to call cause im going to need a lawyer and then suddenly just as he is wrapping up (we have to go back again) this guy wallks in and sits down next to me...turns out to be my lawyer...didnt get much of a chance to talk to him because he has other cases but i will be meeting him at his office on wednesday afternoon....anyways i did get a chance to read the bureaus home reports of me and her....turns out that according to the reports : ( 1. i locked daughter1 in the bathroom as a punishment one day and since that day she has had problems going to the bathroom as she was potty trained before that incident...2. i let son outside to play one day and kept him in the sun all day and caused his face to swell up...3. i have called her repeatedly while drunk asking to visit the kids...4.i attempted to take my kids out of town with an UNKNOWN male...5. that i said to the lady that i frequently get angry when im taking care of the kids and that if i get upset i walk away and leave the kids with my parent and other person...6. that i said that if i cant leave the kids with parent then i tell them to give me a minute and leave me alone...7. that safety services were sent to my home to address the ladys concerns for babies safety and that i told them although i drink to the point of passing out that i dont have a drinking problem, she emphasizes that i dont have a drinking problem came out of my mouth three or four times during the hour conversation...7. that the only reason that baby was left here in my care was because my parent and other person are here to assure her saftey with me...) ok now for the truth.... 1. i didnt lock the door and i was in there with daughter1 i put the toilet seat down and sat on it while she kicked and screamed and threw a fit..in about three minutes she sat up wiped her eyes and said " im done now" and we continued out to the kitchen to finish what we were doing at the time; also daughter1 has been having problems with her potty skills for a VERY long time before that incident occured...in fact shortly after she started school she began wearing the pull ups and that was nothing to do with me... 2. there was NO time in my memory that "mother" called up saying that son had a swelled face, she lets them outside to play too and i am not going to sit in a house all day and pretend that they are not kids they are going to be able to do things and have fun when i have them... 3. i NEVER called her to visit my kids when i as drunk, there may have been times that i called her when i was drunk but NEVER to see the kids... 4. that UNKNOWN male was BLEEP and i asked if we could take them to wisconsin dells and she said no so that was the end of it, i might add that she did let us take them to the fun world in brookfield that VERY SAME day to go miniature golfing... 5. the lady asked if i ever get upset when visiting the kids and if i do what do i do? my response was :" there are times i get upset, if i do then i walk away into another room for a minute to calm down or they have a timeout if they are misbehaving or if i cant walk into another room, then i tell them i need a minute and they are usually quiet for a minute or two. "... 6. stated there in last quote... 7. thats complete b.s. as far as im concerned that lady said when she left that things seemed ok here, that im not drunk when she came and that baby has a good house and i seem ok to have her, never ONCE did she say "well we would take her but since you have your parent here then we will let her stay" how much goddamn sense does that make? in all honesty!

i am hurt and confused as i NEVER thought that my mother would lie like that to them about me...i cant believe that i thought that she cared about me and that i BELIEVED that she would tell the truth..obviously the woman has NO heart or soul and i seriously hope there is a GOD to give her her "justice" when she dies because i dont know what on earth i ever did to that woman to lie like that about me....