LOST RIGHT NOW....

Emily Elizabeth (received November 2009)













there is soo much going on in my life right now...im sooo lost and i dont know where to turn..so instead of the familiarity of alcohol...or mind numbing drugs like percoset or sleeping pills...im turning to my bible...i tentatively open the book that my pastor lovingly gave me december 13, 2009....its a contemporary bible called the message...and its basically the bible translated into laments terms so to speak...unfortunately ive been flipping through it for a little while now and havent found too much to comfort my hurt and lost soul...i want to call my pastor, but im certain she wouldnt appreciate a call at 3am...i miss my emily...i miss mackenzie (shes at her aunties for the night cause i was losing my mind) ... i miss myself...i miss the person i was, i miss the person that i was sposed to be...i miss my drive and strength to survive...i miss my Emily...and i dont know where to turn or who to turn to anymore...there are so many demons in my head and i drive them out each moment of every day...i try to smile through the pain, but i just cant anymore....