What's going on NOW???

What's going on NOW???

never been more confused in my life... i love two people...how is that possible?
it should be the easiest decision in my life but i have a baby to think about and hopefully one on the way....im in shock..i dont know what to do and i dont want other people to make up my mind for me...i hope he knows i love him and will always wait for him, but i hope he knows too that i dont wanna live another moment without him...it breaks my heart that he is hurting...i wanna leave again so i dont continue to put him through this misery but i cant lie to him again....9 years ago i did and i wont do it again...

but then theres the other one who loves me more then i thought.... i made a promise to myself to never settle and then i did and now i have and i dont know if it matters cause i dont know what to do...only time will tell and hopefully in a few weeks i will know where to go and what to do...

my life has changed...for the better i dont know...i know i am better knowing them both, i know im happy i got to see him if only to set him straight and get the forgiveness i so desperately needed for 9 long hard years...
i want him back but i dont want to hurt him again..

you have my heart but he has my soul.... i dont know how much longer i can hurt like this...i dont know how much longer i can cry inside and know he has doubts....i need him here holding me...but for now you are and i will settle again...how i hate myself for loving you both and how i hurt myself for hurting you both too....

i want to run away from both and leave it alone but damnit i cant do that again...i wont do it again but i cant force him to leave her either when she is someone im completely not...

if only you knew....
if only you knew........

"if you cant be with the one you love, love the one youre with..."

what does that mean? i dont get it cause i cant do it nemore....help me Lord...i hope there is a little bit of love growing inside right now cause then i will know what to do...but will he??????????