She has the whole world in her hands.....

Its so strange to think of the things i do when im in a mood, whether it be manic or depressed...when i attempt to think of them from my daughters eyes. is she going to remember them 20 years from now? 10 years? even four years from today....am i going to be doing something and she will come up to me and be like "mom why did you do........" and go off onto something really stupid that i did when i was in a mood? example...i was putting the laundry away and walked into her room, turned on the light and began putting things away ; my husband ( of 46 days haha ) was like now i know you arent going to go in there and wake her up...and it confused me cause ive been doing it since she was born...i mean she is used to me sleeping in there with her this is all new that im not sleeping in there with her ( new for 44 days ) and it made me seriously think...i am always going in there subjecting her to my moods...when im depressed i go in there and hold her and talk to her and when im manic im always in there in the middle of the night doing things..looking for something that i probably have long since thrown out or grown out of or whatever the mania is causing me to go hysterical about at that particular night....and you know - she ALWAYS has a smile and a hug for me....i think thats what brings me to tears all the damn time...she never judges why im in there, never seems to get mad or throw a fit like she does when she doesnt get her way, she just puts her nookie in her bucket, puts her little hands around my neck and pats my back like she does when she so lovingly gives me a hug and then when i lean back with my eyes full of tears, she smiles the most beautiful smile and reaches for her nookie before reaching for her bed....and as i tuck her back in she lifts her little arms for her "bankie" to be put under them and then she holds both nookies and smiles and rolls over to sleep again, satisfied that all is right in her little world, in her eyes its enough to save a life with just a hug and a smile....and from her.....it really is!