MOVED FINALLY !

well i can finally say that we are moved...haha we actually were able to afford a uhaul on the 9th and moved that night as we were forcibly evicted by the sheriff on the 10th... sooooo thankfully our landlord was nice enough to let us in with just the money for the security deposit and charge us only half months rent for january...so we are good...anthony has been working on his training at the bus company so he doesnt get paid until the 6th of february if then.... and so we are still struggling a little...but we will be alright....finally got internet access again on the 20th ....so thats that... we are settled in nicely into our new home and environment....now working on getting mackenzie on a schedule....lol...thats a lott of fun! NOT!!! ok well have to go the princess is waking up...later all...tina

wow!

GOD TRULY ANSWERS PRAYERS !!!
i am in shock...truly i am blessed and God answered some of my prayers today....this man tony has been trying to reach me for about two weeks about my ad on craigs list regarding us looking for an apartment....so we went to the house today and looked at it....now its not in the best of neighborhoods however for a 2 bedroom house for 500 a month....well we cant be picky now can we? so we made plans to move this weekend and then in two more weeks when anthony gets paid again we will pay the security deposit....soo then we get home....well anthonys dad is evidently doing something this weekend so he cant help us move with his truck and well all the money anthony gets paid on thursday has to go to the man for rent....sooo i called him to tell him that it might be about two more weeks before we can move cause we cant afford a truck...so guess what he says? he says well i have a truck and a trailer soo as long as you dont need me to pick anything up cause i have a back injury, i am willing to move you guys this weekend! OMG!!!! we are sooooo blessed and i just wanted to share that with you all...this year is going to be a great one i can just feel it! :)

tina

MOVING THIS WEEKEND!!

we got a house that we are going to rent...will post pics when i get the keys...we are sposed to get them this weekend yahoo!!! i am sooo excited!!!its not the most beautifull neighborhood but its all good... we are excited to have a home not an apartment anymore!

LIFE THROWING SNOWBALLS AT ME! :(

CONFUSED AND KICKING ASS! LOL
Current mood: bitchy
Category: Life

well for starters i was in the hosptiol for three days...sunday to tuesday night....with a terrible headache and evidently it turned out to be a migraine...good lord if i never have another one of those it will be too soon....at any rate thats the kicking ass part haha... i am feeling another one coming on and i dont know what to do to make it stop....grrr....but the confusion part is a bit more complex....a "friend" commited suicide on new years day...and its bothering me sooo much that i cannot sleep at night.... i say friend in italics cause we were passing in high school you know, that one person that was nice to you when not a whole lot of others were? well then i lost contact with him until i spoke to him briefly on facebook and then not much since then....well anyways why is this bothering me sooo much i certainly dont understand?! i mean he was a great guy in high school and i can only imagine that he never changed, so what were the demons that were plaguing him that he did this? i can only imagine as i have attempted suicide on several occasions, so i can imagine the pain he was in that he felt that it was his only way to happiness and peace but i dont know why its bothering me so much....ok well i thought maybe i could vent and get it out and maybe gain some understanding that way ,,,,but i havent so....sigh im going to try to get some sleep and go to church tomorrow.... i will hug my family a little tighter tonight...also another thought ...its the first of many years that emily will live without me....wow....i cant imagine this...lol....but i made it through the holidays without her and so yay and kudos to me! -tina

CST MEETING WITH FOSTER PARENTS

today we had a cst meeting with the case workers and the foster parents...since we havent seen emily since september they very thoughtfully bought a picture that was emilys school picture...i have posted it here cause she is sooo precious and doing so well .... i am truly blessed to have adoptive parents for her that love her as much as we do and are willing to send pictures and letters once a year on her birthday...

CAR ACCIDENT 12-11-08

well yesterday while taking my nephew lionel to school, a car cut us off and we t-boned her but we were the ones that hit head on... soooo we are ok...were in a rental car and thankfully had insurance! so we are all covered...and lionel and i werent hurt too badly...he had a concussion and i thought my arm and fingers were broken but xrays showed they arent...still in a lot of pain today though which sucks but...anyways here are pics of the car after the crash... it was a chevy cobalt... and both airbags deployed...ugh...ok heres the pics!

RAMBLINGS ON A SAD DREARY DAY.....!!!!

my jaw is hurting and i dont know completely why.. i know my teeth are all rotted to hell and thats about 98 percent of the reason but that other two percent is what bothers me haha.... im a moron....oh well... anthony is watching XXX so i guess in a way i am too since i pay attention every once in a while ...its kinda boring but whatever...there is nothing on television right now... we have virtually no gas to go anywhere and anyways its kinda cold out too....so ..yah... (crying) i have to call the dentist on monday and make an appointment to get these damn things yanked out and get the impressions and whatever for my dentures....imagine that im not even 30 years old and have to wear dentures! life sucks....i had such beautiful teeth just five years ago but the damn depakote that i take for my bipolar has eaten all the enamel off my teeth which leads to them all having rotted to hell and back.. well no i dont think they came back haha...which is why i have to have them removed...not like i have that many left anyways...my remaining top front tooth broke about a week or two ago while i was eating of all things a soft shell taco! thats how badly decayed my teeth are....the dentist said she can save the bottom four but i am just going to get them out too cause they will need to come out in about a year or two anyways on this medicine so whatever right? im PMSing today and i think mackenzie picked up on it and decided she is going to too....but thankfully her daddy is off work today so he can deal with her cranky butt...right now she is in her crib playing but shes sposed to be napping haha... goofy girl...i went to church with my nephew this morning but came home early cause wasnt feeling well... so that kinda sucked...missed communion....but oh well... God knows i love Him haha... .he sure helped me out at eviction court thursday.... my knees are killing me lately probably cause of the cold... grrr... the car people called and are going to come get the car on the 19th unless i can get them a payment... which i cant soooo...yeah that kinda sucks ass too.... life in general is kicking my ass lately this isnt cool....!!!! christmas is coming really fast for me and its realllllllllllllly hard .... i know my baby is in great hands and has stopped asking for me but i miss her sooooooooo badly.... anthony had to put the tree up on his own this year cause i couldnt even bear to do it since last year emily "helped" with the ornaments.... sigh... i dont even wanna have christmas this year but i have to make something nice for anthony and for mackenzie although she is kinda young to understand ..... but sigh i have to just cope...there is going to be sooo many things coming up....my birthday is in january and then there is easter when last year she got her first easter basket and was soooo excited... and then comes summer when we used to go swimming practically every single day with her uncle lionel and then there will be her 6th birthday and hopefully on that day i will get a letter and some pictures from her foster mom.... but we didnt agree on a day so i dont know when she will send them....only know once a year... so... yea its going to be a hard hard year on me.... at least in march we will (hopefully) be moved into a different place that wont remind us of her soo much... as it is now everything reminds me of her... .the walls that she colored on havent been painted over just yet... cant bring myself to until the adoption thing is final i guess...the refridgerator has some of her scribbling on and of course the yogurt that her little sister loves is also the one she loved.... sigh... and her room... oh god the toddler bed that we bought just after she was taken away all prepared for her to come home with her favorite blanket stretched over the top...and her elmo dolls all over... its so difficult to let mackenzie play with them but she loves elmo too now so i dont wanna deprive her of them... she hasnt learned to walk yet, but when she does will i let her play with emilys dolly stroller? will i let her play with emilys tyco car thingee? these are all such hard questions for me to have to face and yet i think about them just about every single day... .life is sooooo hard without her....had to take her pictures down off the wall again...they are in a safe place so that i have them to look at when i want to.. i have our professional pics wallet size taped to my computer so i see her every day... maybe when we move and get into our new apartment i will put her pictures up in mackenzies room so she will remember her sister as much as she can i guess... my memories are like fading and it scares me cause i have to struggle to remember things sometimes and i dont ever want to forget her... but when i look at the pictures it all comes flashing back to me... so i guess its ok... well i have rambled enough here for today so i guess i will go now... but just remember that family is everything and dont take yours for granted for one single second!!!! they can be gone in that instant that you do... trust me i know all to clearly.... and i can never forgive myself... and i miss her way tooo much for words to explain... so well i will blog another day when hopefully i am feeling a little bit better....