D DAY - or should i say S DAY?

well today is THE day!!! ill see you all in a couple days....!!! keep the prayers coming!!

~Tina

SURGERY TOMORROW.....

well tomorrow is the day...huh...kinda depressed about the whole thing actually haha...imagine that...!!! had my mom and the kids over yesterday to celebrate emilys and mackenzies birthdays with cake and then anthony barbecued soem chicken and corn on the cob on the grill...was a long, exhausting day but it was nice to be able to remember emily and also spend time with the family i still have....so gonna lay on this heating pad cause God couldnt allow me to go into surgery without remembering why! lol...so whatever in some pain this weekend which sucks cause i was hoping to go into surgery without ever having to deal with this again but thats ok....only a couple more hours!!! pray for me!!! see you all soon!!!

anthony, brandon, my mom, annmarie and mackenzie

me, brandon, my mom, annmarie and mackenzie

~Tina

anthony, brandon (face cut off sorry!) my mom and mackenzie

an undecorated cake was 17 bucks, vs. a decorated one (not dora like i wanted - was 35 bucks)

EMILY IS 7 TODAY!!!

well happy birthday angel girl...7 years ago today, i was blessed with a true angel on earth...even back then i knew in my heart you were special and destined for great things...it was almost three years ago that i made the biggest mistake of my life and lost you, but God was watching and there were two angels that caught you....they are now your mommy and daddy....and you also have a little brother ! (congrats N and A on that adoption too!!!) i miss you more then i ever thought possible, but today is YOUR day angel girl and im not going to sit here crying and mourning my loss, but im going to celebrate your life, and your new life....we love you and miss you soooo much emily - so heres sending wishes and kisses on the wind!



love your first mama

EMILY WAS MISDIAGNOSED

so when i got the pics of emily, natalie had said that she was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome except i couldnt remember drinking while pregnant with her...and sure enough researching last night found this syndrome which makes a LOT of sense since i took depakote the first three months of my pregnancy! i can NOT believe in all those years with alll those specialists NOONE ever suggested this and i looked through all my papers and its all there...every single thing starts out that the pregnancy was significant for depakote exposure...this syndrome was first recognized in 1980. WHY WAS MY DAUGHTER NEVER DIAGNOSED?!! and if you look at pictures of a child with this disorder, and then at emily, the dysmorphic facial features are the same!! insane...im sooo sad...have no way to tell her new mommy natalie...and i think she needs to know....sigh...my emily will be 7 tomorrow...her golden birthday....

~Tina

MACKENZIE'S PENFIELD GRADUATION

my baby is going to be three in a couple days!! argh!! so she is "graduating" from the birth to three program....they bought a cute little cap and gown....was so adorable and of course she had a fit and didnt wanna wear it...but i finally got it on her and got a few pics of her with amanda and sarah opening her present...a fairy castle! :)

~Tina

opening her present

a princess castle!

FOX SEEN @ SCHLITZ PARK TONIGHT !! 11PMish

SOOO ITS WEDNESDAY...5 MORE DAYS! :(

yep...only about 5 more days until i have my hysterectomy. in researching  the procedure , i can say that im not as prepared as i thought i was....im happy im having the surgery cause im having too many female issues...but im also starting to get a little nervous...there are so many questions that i should have asked my doctor at the last appointment...whats a serious, REAL recovery time? cause i cant miss anymore school and i plan to return a week after surgery...the 16th...and how much walking around will i be able to do should i be doing? and what if my husband decides that he cant handle mackenzie and me like he did when i had my tubes tied and had to be outta bed that same night taking care of her? sigh...and why am i getting this stupid biological clock ticking so loudly when ive already had 4 kids and i KNOW i dont want anymore, and i had my tubes tied almost 3 years ago?! soo yeah theres a lot swirling in my head right now...i have a paper to write for school so that i can present it tomorrow in class, and also 16 chapters to review for my final exam tomorrow....cause although the mod doesnt end until tuesday, i will be hopefully in a narcotic coma in the hospital having my insides ripped outta my vagina monday afternoon, and recovering on tuesday....so i have to finish the mod tomorrow. sigh...oh shoot i have to study for my competencies this evening!!! argh!!!! gotta go! ill try to blog tonight...leave comments!!!

~Tina