Sigh... How confusing can life get????

i dont understand the concepts of life. i dont understand why it feels as if i have been given a second chance with the love of my life yet we both are in other relationships...is it truly only closure that i am searching for? or is it true love waiting for me? there is so much at stake for both of us yet i feel that there is nothing that should stand in the way of our happiness with one another....it is so hard to talk to him on the phone and know he is so far away...i want to be able to be in his arms and hold him while he is confused and look in his eyes cause then i can know the truth...i will try to put my feelings aside this weekend and just BE there and just experience it as if it were the last time i will ever see him....although i hope it wont be....i will definitely know in two or three weeks whether we are meant to be together...God has a plan for us and it will soon be revealed...for now i must follow my heart and it is leading me to NC for the weekend to see him and to talk to him and to just BE there with him and noone else....only then when i see him and can hold him and feel him only then will i know where my heart belongs.....

sunshine

not manic or depressed right now....

i got a new computer from my hunny!!! im so happy...hes been working soo hard and he hurt himself...but he is doing ok.... baby had the flu friday night and i got sick then too and am still recooperating but she is doing better now...i am just so ecstatic over my new computer...now i am ready to get my classes for january as i will be doing them online so i can be home with the baby when she gets home from school....i dunno why i keep calling her a baby as she is already 3 years old!!! i cant believe it...and then too christmas is almost here again and i have not done ANY shopping...my hunny wants the PS3 although i dunno...it costs as much as my car and computer put together but i might give in for a nice little gem hehe....who knows..? well have to get up early to take him to work and baby to doctor appointments ugh...another long day tomorrow...hopefully will be as nice weather as today...tata for now peoples.....

sunshine

hi

moving....soon
dunno for sure yet but am taking a trip to try and get plans in motion....gonna be gone a week with the baby so thats gonna be weird....but know we cant stay here with another on the way its getting to be too much now....and they dont even know about the other one on the way.... so who knows...well gotta get some letters written...talk to you all later

sunshine

losing my mind

i am soooooo sick and cannot shake it...husband seems to have gotten better but unfortunately i have gotten worse...have a HORRIBLE sinus infection and it wont get better sigh....baby began school today ugh was killing me to see my baby going there without me...hee...been watching movies all day yay blockbuster...haha...rented the carlos mencia movies and he is FUNNNY... well i have to get going to get some sleeps cause i have to work tomorrow UGH...but work is fun so i dont mind too much....later alligator ---sunshine

hey all

UGH! cannot take the heat and thursday and friday are sposed to be WORSE then today!??!! how is that even possible????? i dont understand it haha....things are going good in the marriage house and the kids house..haha...no more trying for a baby... going back to school now ....working my butt off trying to get all these papers done but its worth it in the long run..completely changed majors and none of my credits will transfer over but oh well thats ok... the child starts school in september and we will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary (yay!!!) so september will be a big month for us....got lotts of things going on now until the end of the year...went to ohio the beginning of this month to see my birth mother that was kinda cool..., my half brother and his girlfriend just had a baby girl on the 23rd! congrats to them....shes in the ICU with an infection so hopefully she will be ok...well gotta get back to working on the paper due on monday ugh..talk to you all later

re: your comment

i will not publish anonymous comments....if you want your comments to be published you must leave your screen name at least thank you. also i will probably not be here for some time ...i found out that i might have breast cancer... i will be seeing a specialist on tuesday the 20th so i will keep you all updated thank you

Sigh

Wow...kinda blown away with the news today....evidently my husband may have fathered a child with another woman..i mean its strange cause i cant get mad cause it was before we got back together, but i dont know if i can handle another woman in my life with my husband....talked to a few family members that i hardly ever go to, but they are kinda in same situation that i am, and they just are kinda concerned but ultimately the decision is mine.... sigh sigh sigh....i dont know what to do....later sunshine