FINALLY home

hello all ...obvoiously if you know us personally then you know that baby has been in the hospitol since monday the 9th and we were released today. thank heavens we are so ready to be home. unfortunately our marriage doesnt seem to be on steady ground right now even though all week it was good. who knows maybe it wasnt and i just didnt notice because i was so preoccupied with my baby in the hospitol. i will be going on thursday to get some blood drawn to get a test done for the baby to be tested for something else. im so sick of all these damn tests and no results. whatever its ok though. no biggie. i ended up in the ER last night too...fatigue i guess....and my depakote level was a bit elevated. no biggie i guess. i cant wait until school starts next monday. im kind of worried about it a little though too. wish i was going more then two days a week but thats ok too. it will come in handy when my husband starts work in march and then he will only have to take her to work with him two days a week and then the other three i can have her with me. well i am going to go take a shower and get to bed early. its been such a long week i cant wait to sleep in my bed. later world
-sunshine

Happy New Year

well its been a good year so far...havent fought with my husband all year hahahaha... that was good...anyways my darling angel climbed out of her crib today...never knew that kids did that until they knew how to walk...imagine my surprise when i came around the corner to see her sitting there...almost had a damn heartattack...thankfully there are lotts of angels watching over her that she didnt get into anything to hurt herself and she didnt fall down the stairs! there are things called crib tent that i can get to go over the crib that she wouldnt be able to get out of it but they are 80 bux and i have no more moneys this month due to paying for school and my books....as it was couldnt pay my rent moneys this month due to the fact that school and books took every penny i had...and i didnt get a damn child support payment all last month and have yet to recieve one...evidently he started a new job just before christmas and it takes a month to process the paperwork....sigh...so..oh well ok well gotta get some rest..i have baby duty tomorrow as hubby is gone to see his parents...tty all later
-sunshine

well since then

well since the moron who wasnt man or woman enough to identify themselves seems to have disappeared i can get on with my blogging. things are going well for my little family. unfortunately my daughter has a MRSA infection in her ears and has been on "quarantine" for a week. evidently its contaqious as hell. she has some new ear drops and oral antibiotics and all is well for the time being. anyways i spoke to my daughters father last night. he was quite shocked that i was able to track him down, turns out he lives not far from here. he got divorced but is now back living with her again. evidently his mother wants to have my daughter here for overnight visitation. who knows if and when she will call to start that. otherwise when i spoke to him, he had nothing much to say except to set up the time and date and he will be there. we have to go get blood drawn to see if our daughter here has a disorder called russell silver syndrome. i guess its a type of dwarfism. it would be nice to have a diagnoses. and this one doesnt seem too bad from what i can gather off the internet. well i must get my butt in gear as it is cold outside and i have to go. tty all later
-sunshine

sunday sunday

feelin a little better although not much...went and filed the necessary papers to get visitation again with my other kids. and so we have a court date the end of january. that will be interesting. although this time i will not back down no matter what and i will not allow them to intervene with my child here as she has nothing to do with it. my throat is still hurting but a litlle better. went to walmart and bought some jeans. my dad bought one pair and i bought one. some blue ones and a pair of black ones. the ones i have the one pair is too small and the other pair is ripping as i guess they have been washed too many times. oh goodness my mother is starting in again ..gotta go bye for now
-sunshine

heres your one chance

got our christmas pictures done at the mall on the 2nd... email me if you want to see it.... andt2005@sbcglobal.net ..life is weird sometimes...its been a long cold day...the weather tomorrow is supposed to be colder tomorrow and i have to go out again tomorrow. sigh well thats winter in milwaukee i guess. still have three more days before i can find out if im pregnant... the anticipation is killing me.. seriously.. my husband wont even talk to me about it because he "doesnt want to get his hopes up". and im scared that im not. and that scares me because then i might have to face the reality that there maybe something wrong with him as he claims that he is not able to have kids. but i am not going to worry about it. i know ive heard of couples who have tried for three or four years before getting pregnant and we have only tried for three months. ha. i guess i should be happy if im not there are so many things going on next year that i shouldnt be concentrating on getting pregnant. but i dunno i just want to be right now and im so driven by that for now. i will definitely keep you posted on here when i find out thursday or friday. its so close yet so far away. took a pregnancy test that can tell 4 days early but thats only a 50 percent chance of coming out 4 days early, 95 percent chance the day before. so so far it has come out negative and im scared that it will come out negative on thursday too. i hope it doesnt cause im almost certain i will fall back into a depression. but i know that i can see that coming and hopefully prevent it. weekends are always hard on me anyways. i dont know why i guess because my mother starts so much on the weekends. the kids have their christmas play on friday. its killing me that i cant be there. i still havent gone to the courthouse to petition for the visitation. i guess so much of it depends on the pregnancy test results. i dont know why that is, i only know i made a promise to God that if im pregnant im going to leave it all alone and let him handle it. but if im not pregnant then im using that as a sign that i need to devote my life to the kids i have now and be happy. and its not that im not happy cause i am. i just thought that i would always be able to have another one with the true love of my life when he came along and now i believe i have found him and to surrender to the thought that i cant have a child with him? its killing me. i mean hes great with my kids, treats them better then the "father" they have. but still i dunno i guess i feel inadequate providing him a son or daughter of his own. maybe thats only my problem. he sure wont discuss it with me. so i dunno even how he feels. i know he would be happy if we were pregnant. oh well its late and i have to get to the doctor for my daughter tomorrow morning, shes fine - just routine checkup. ok well goodnite ya all.
- sunshine

happy thanksgiving

well happy thanksgiving...mine went well until later in the evening when my mother decided to start drama which what else is new? it was a holiday of course and she had to ruin it you know? oh well im not going to waste my energy dwelling on it...i am going to call my lawyer and begin the court proceedings again though and im assured that will be a fight to the end...and i will keep you posted on the details of the journey with that...on another note...my husband and i are getting along great and im so happy today that he is here with me. i think my meds are finally kicking in and that makes me happy too...although i have gained CONSIDERABLE weight in two months and that makes me unhappy :( but there is nothing i can really do but go excercise so that is my christmas present to myself. to go back to the YMCA. i got a postcard in the mail that says if i join before december 15th they will waive the joining fee so thats cool...its worth it...well its getting late i have to go shovel on more time before bed so i will keep you posted..later
sunshine

hmm

just came across some things in an old junk box and some things i do sometimes is collect sayings and stuff so wanted to post some that i found that are still neat to see and hear...obviously since its from a while ago i have no idea who to give credit to for them so here they are anonymously...

"love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed ; to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed ; to those who still need love even though they've been hurt before. "

never say goodbye when you still want to try, never give up when you still feel you can take it, never say you dont love that person when you you really dont want to let go.

love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear

dont cry over anyone who wont cry over you

everything is okay in the end. if its not okay, then its not the end

the hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else

when it hurts to look back, and your scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will always be right there

dont frown you never know who is falling in love with your smile

what do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry in the first place?

*** any and all feedback is appreciated you can be anonymou thanks
sunshine