ITS BEEN ROUGH

how do you love someone when you love someone else? i love him so much and he hurt me sooo incredibly much. im with the one im with cause there is noone that will take care of me... i love him and i dont know what to do anymore...my heart hurts so bad, i havent slept in months, not a good sleep anyways....i really thought he was being honest with me that time and to come home and learn it was a week of deception....did he feel the same things i did? did he feel the chemistry when we kissed? why did he lie to me then? i was ready to throw everything i know away to be with him, maybe it was too late already but then why lie to me? i healed somehow with the emily thing a little, that was huge, did he know that? did he care?? was i just a fuck? was it nothing but how much money he could get outta me? why did i believe him?????  why cant i stop thinking about him now then?!