NEW YEAR, NEW BLOG

if you actually read my blog, ive moved!

YEAR IS ALMOST OVER...

this is my "sum up the year" photo. mackenzie, daddy and mommy all making funny faces meaning we are all together and happy despite all the shit thats been thrown our way this year.



i have a black eye in this picture and the line going down my forehead is 20 stitches due to me falling headfirst into a radiator...of course i then had a horrible concussion and it was just a terrible week. i spent christmas eve getting the stitches out so that was of course fun. but other then that christmas came and passed very quietly this year. i didnt cry as much as i thought i would, it being the first one since losing grandma and dad had just gone back to florida about a week before...but it was still a little depressing. mackenzie got a new trundle bed, with "tangled" bedding and is in love! and she also got a table for a thomas the train set. she LOVES it, and barely leaves her room. i have unfortunately been back on the percocet pain pills since i had another car accident in october and got hurt with my back pretty badly, and then too with the head injury....thankfully there is no cravings and no addictive behavior here right now, i will always be an addict im not that stupid to think i have 'beat it ' but for now i am okay and managing it and taking only doctor prescribed dosages of medications. my back hurts incredibly bad so heres some more pics from the last couple months and im off to sleeps! -Tina

mackenzies new trundle bed required to be put together, so daddy was tired then :) 12/2011

we were able to wear shorts to the museum in october! wisconsin weather is confusing! 10/2011

at the park with mackenzie in september 2011

went with mom and the kidds to chicagos museum of science and industry in october

halloween 2011

day 5 of my injury - had a pretty black eye 12/2011



went to ohio for a couple days in august - mackenzie with my birthmom debi



my car accident 10/2011 a lady went thru a red light and hit me so hard i spun around completely 3x

sleeping with my new bedmate Bobby ! ;) 12/2011

MAYBE THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS TUNNEL THAT ISNT A TRAIN...

thats totally how im feeling right now. im being (maybe overly?) optimistic in life right now. mackenzie had her orientation at headstart today, so OF COURSE i only got an hour of sleep and we woke up with 10 minutes to get there, thankfully we only live 3 minutes away by car, but last year? we were walking and it took about 30 minutes to get there sooo yeah. thank you dad for the car! anyways so that was 3 hours ill never get back lol...but it was nice, we are the only 'returning' parents and i had a few ideas to make things a little better, and was able to talk to the parents about making sure that they utilize the parent coordinator there cause she is awesome! poor lady has held me while i just cried about general everyday parenting stress, they helped me get mackenzie potty trained in one week! (awesome!!) and life is good as far as that...then got home, saw i had a message from my mom (yeah the one that raised me lol) and since i havent spoken to her in a few days, i was cautious about calling her back, but it turns out school called, they have a job for me! its temporary, but its a start! 4 days in chicago...huh? how am i supposed to get to chicago?! (again awesome) school is chartering buses to get the graduates down there for these 4 days! aww now i have to be in moms good graces cause i need a babysitter for a couple hours for 2 of those days...thank God shes my mom and of course she will watch mackenzie...so yay! life is going ok for now...seen my doctor today for a little checkup on my status with the medication situation, and he agreed for right now to prescribe a little higher dosage of ambien (thank God) with anthonys agreement that he will monitor the meds to be sure im not abusing them...so just got that filled at walgreens (thank God they know the situation cause of course im not supposed to be out of my prescription for another 2 weeks since the rx was written for 1x a day last month)...so im optimistic right now with a SERIOUS cautious note...cause i saw a bug last night...and if you know me? you KNOW i dont do bugs...i can deal with mighty mouse, and i know thats really weird, cause that little punk mouse was being bold last winter, i mean honestly what kinda mouse do you know that will literally sit staring at you while listening to another mouse trap snap over a baby mouse? but the cat took care of mighty mouse eventually, but i hear them scampering in the walls late at night when i may or may not be in the kitchen in search of a snack...but i digress on that until they are back cause we had to get rid of sassy the cat when we got dumbo, i mean bobby the dog....so we will see how bad that situation gets this winter...but anyways back to the bug. of course my sheltered self really doesnt know much about roaches, but every time i see a 'bug' im certain its a roach and we are being overrun from our house by them within the next ten minutes...and of course i went crazy and may or may not have slept with the light on in bed last night, although i didnt really sleep...anyways through my extensive (seriously skin crawling) research of roaches on the internet today, i have indeed determined that it was NOT a roach after all, since moving the stove and refridgerator and not seeing a single creature stirring, ....well of course see when i am optimistic...sigh my mom just called and informed me she can NOT babysit those 2 days, which honestly i dont understand cause its 2 weeks away, so how do you know you wont be feeling well those days but ok whatever...sigh i cant win...
_me

....

seems like the day for all hell to break out, and it is (of course!) first of all prayers for my blog family thats going through some bipolar crap of her own today, but thankfully she has a family that loves her and has kept all the razors and medications away from her, and heres to hoping she has lotts of chocalate to get through her hell that shes in right now....if youre reading my blog any time in the future, huggs to ya! so my amazing husband managed to get things 'fixed' with the attorney lady...and on friday i will have no electricity for 2 weeks but we WILL have a crackhead house to live in...so yea im a little irritated with the situation, ESPECIALLY since i called the 'management company' and left them a message that they will need to send someone to pick up the money on friday, and someone is here within 20 minutes to get their money...are you SERIOUS?!?!! sigh....poor guy was sooo upset, and i feel really bad cause hes just following the boss' orders to come over here, but he looked kinda scared to call them back ;) oh well anyways...im glad in a way, but can someone explain why in the interim, my 'person who raised me and wants to be called mom but i dont think she qualifies for that term right now' suggested that i let mackenzie and anthony over to the person whos abused her house and i go stay with a friend?!?!?! at that point i had enough. seriously. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and i reached my point over 6 years ago...i screamed, know what? (now mind you she has had her friend over in her house for 4 days now because she was depressed) you can take in your friends from their house but you couldnt even let me and mack spend nights at your house?!?! you may stay with the man who molested your daughter and call her names and stuff but i refuse to ever allow that person to ever see her again! and i hung up...i also managed to tell her how the hell can you be concerned about your friends being depressed and sleeping too much yet i was ARRESTED and taken to the mental hospital and when i called you hung up on me and said i called too late?!?!? it was freakin 10pm!!! whatever. ive been at odds with these people since the day i was bought home. seriously. im done. im done im done. i dont care if mack never knows any of her grandparents and i have to only hope that one day my kids that she is raising will find me and learn the truth and accept me when they are 18. i found my birthmom, well actually she found me, but my heart yearns to be with her at times like these and thats knowing what she is and the mistakes she has made...call me an idiot, call me and addict and just like my mom...honestly? id rather be the child of an addict who can admit her faults then the hyppocrital 'God-fearing' lady who let her boyfriend molest me and then 10 years later wants to BLAME me and call me racist names in my 'hood with about 20 of said racist remarks persons surrounding her...ahh come to the 'hood again ***** we're waiting for you!!!

-Tina

BOUNCY REALM 08/25/2011

SIGH

well spoke to the bank today, oddly enough its the same man that i spoke to back in march when we were having issues with the management company not answering maintenance calls...at any rate, he said they of course want to work with us and blah blah blah...hes going to call the lawyers that they have involved in the case and see if theres anything they can do to resolve this situation and us not be evicted....so just keeping fingers crossed and hoping and praying....on other news, got 'closure' with the jerk....i think / i guess....anthony called him and told him i wanted to see him for a small conversation and whatever but the person said no hes done with the whole situation and that im stupid for ever cutting my arms and blah blah blah...anthony made the comment well shes extremely depressed and if anything else happens to her cause your stupid a$$ wont talk to her one freaking time then im going to hold you responsible, and a$$ said well i didnt do anything to her and hung up....so i guess theres your sign! i just dont understand why im so sad or upset over it...the guy has his own personal issues to deal with in his life, i KNOW we would NEVER be anything serious because of those issues, yet hes in my head and i cant get him out...sigh....i want to quit, i really do!!

me

I NEED TRANQUILIZERS...HORSE TRANQUILIZERS !!!

i dont know how much more i can take. today i get a fairly innocent letter in the mail from a lawyer's office; thinking it was a solicitation regarding the denial i just got from social security / diability, i tossed it aside...but this nagging was in my head and i finally opened it this afternoon...it was a summons to small claims court for the end of september...(stupidly) thinking it was regarding the window that was broken by a brick over 16 days ago that JUST made its way to being fixed and returned yesterday after i snapped out on the management company, i called the lawyers office to see what it was about cause i was for sure going to have the police report i made 10 seconds after the crackheads busted my window AND the invoice for the window showing it was ready two days after it got busted, but not picked up till 14 days later...but this dips*** comes back and says its for an eviction proceeding that they went to court for on tuesday...the file here says that they placed a notice on your door on august 7th and they changed the locks with the sheriff on the 11th...i laughed are you serious? she says why are you laughing this is very serious. you have to vacate the premises immediately, what is your number so i can have the lawyer handling the case call you? now i snap on her, cause seriously? ive been through enough evictions to know they have to personally serve me and in this neighborhood who would leave a notice taped to the door when we have a freaking mail slot in the door?!?! im going to seriously have to bite my tongue, put on my nice girl face, and try to sweet talk the bank tomorrow...if not i see a trip to housing authority cause they will condemn this house for real !! off to crawl into a hole and cry myself to sleep again....goodnight world

me